Years ago, I was part of an e-fed. For the uninitiated, an e-fed is an online wrestling roleplay game: you create your own wrestler, and then engage in a "feud" with other wrestlers by writing a story together, playing off of what the other person wrote. When the feuding period ends, the person who wrote their part of the story better wins. One can write the basic things seen in professional wrestling such as backstage interviews and the like, but after a while the e-fed that I was a part of became more and more lenient, which could make for some rich and creative storytelling that one normally wouldn't associate with that particular entertainment genre.
I've just revealed something about myself that I never though I would to too many people. Then again, raise your hand if, even now, you've ever been part of a fantasy football or baseball league, or gaming such as Dungeons and Dragons. There, now I don't feel so alone.
The point of my sharing it at all is that my participation in this e-fed was the first time that I regularly received positive feedback from a group of peers about my writing. It was the first time that I had an inkling that at some level I'm a good writer, and that I love to do it. Participating in that e-fed also took up a lot of time, and after a while I knew that I had to step away. It was bittersweet, but it had to happen. But I had just begun exploring my interest and creativity when it came to writing.
Today marks six years since I began writing at Philosophy Over Coffee. It was a day when I decided that I'd channel all my online writing energy into one convenient space. It took me a while to find my own preferences and style when it comes to blogging, but I eventually settled into something that I enjoyed and thought that I could do well.
Just in the past week or so, I've been thinking that maybe something needs to change. I'm not sure that the pace I've tried to keep for myself is working anymore, nor the basic approach. I've been doing the same basic thing for six years, and that's a long time for somebody like me, who's used to change happening way sooner than that.
I've been thinking a lot lately about that Lenten season where I made it a point to spend more time crafting each entry, taking longer between posting each one. Not all of them ended up being spectacular, but some of my favorite entries were posted during those months. They were the sorts of posts that seemed like they'd age better, like I'd really written something that would last. I also loved the schedule: I'd spend some time tweaking an entry one night, I write a few paragraphs another night, and I could post them whenever I wanted.
That's far from what I generally do, and most of this is on myself. I've been approaching this blog with the notion that I can't go too long between entries or you'll forget about me or never think I'm going to post again. And with so many other blogs that I love to read cutting back or disappearing, it seemed all the more urgent that I keep going with my self-imposed schedule. And like my last days with the e-fed, such expectations are starting to burn me out.
This is not a goodbye post. But it is a "something needs to be different because I love writing and this is a great way to indulge that love" post. I haven't made any final decisions yet, but I have some ideas. So I think I'm going to take a week or ten days and think them over.
Or maybe I just need a break, and to look at the blog with fresh eyes after that.
Thanks, as always, for reading Philosophy Over Coffee.